I love being liked

love being liked. 

I honestly don't know why it matters to me so much but I want everyone to like me. I am in constant fear that people are talking about me, that I am not good enough, that people think I am weird, and that people don't like me. I have an idea how this may have started, I used to be friends with people that would talk about each other when ever they left the room, and I'm not playing the victim. I participated in this as well. I have always had a sort of anxiety over whether my friends actually did like me. Besides that, I was always different, not saying I didn't have friends, I did, but my whole life, I was either the person no one really wanted to be friends with, or if they did we were all "different". Being different and your own person is not a negative thing AT ALL, but I truly believe it added onto the paranoia of being disliked. Because people don't know how to accept people who are not the same. This is especially true when you are young. So yes, I was made fun, constantly, my whole life. At first it hurt, cause I was a child, and was all alone in it, I guess you could say. When I got older it wasn't bad at all, because all my friends were unique as well. When people made fun of us, we found it humorous, because none of them were exactly "beauty queens". I thought I was past the point of caring, turns out I was terribly wrong. I am now so frightened people don't like me.   
When I see people talking and I can't hear what they are saying, I automatically assume they are talking about me. If I'm in a room with someone and they won't talk to me, I think it's because they don't want to associate with me. 
& when it comes to boys, seriously just shoot me in the face, I was just having a conversation with some friends about this. I am the reason it NEVER works out. I go on and on about how NO ONE likes me, but that isn't the truth. They do, or at least they're considering (haha) and I make them change their mind. To guys, I come across as that crazy chick who wants them to tell me they love me immediately and has picked a date for our wedding and already decided on the names of our children. & I understand why they would think that. I am clingy and insecure. I act this way because I just want them to like me. NOT as in "interested" but as in just like me as a person. I need immediate confirmation that they think I'm, in the lamest term I could possibly use, cool. I wish I could turn it off. It is honestly so ridiculous! I am so scared that people are going to push me away, that I end up pushing them away myself by scaring them. 
I just need to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. It is impossible. I am trying. Hopefully this isn't a life long struggle. I want to get to the point where I like myself so much I can be in a room with people who absolutely hate me, and not have it bother me.