bath bomb sale

Can't sleep, when is that not the case, also it is freezing in my house, temperature has made such a drastic change in such a short amount of time.

A lot of the reason I can't sleep is my anxiety, rearing its ugly little head once again, but when is that not the case? It seems it is getting a lot worse recently though because I want so bad to do something different with my life. But life seems to be at a stand still per usual.
This is turning into a sappy little post which was not, I promise you, my intention at all.
In fact, the reason why I was posting at all, besides the fact that I can't sleep is I thought maybe some of you might be interested?
I run a small business, that is of making CBD infused Bath bombs, mostly for people who experience, like myself, high levels of anxiety but want to take the hippy dippy route, and not use medicine. Also works great for people with pain issues, such as MS, Diabetes, various degrees of Arthritis, such as RA. Even things you wouldn't think like a Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) flare up. (I know, because I have this) Or even for just that special (puke) time of the month. List goes on and on.
They are great for stocking stuffers, or little gifts when you don't know what to get someone (hahah we've all been there. Give them this instead of a candle like you (or I do) every year.

Each bath bomb has 35mg of CBD.
They are made with all natural ingredients.
The ones shown are our most popular scents.
There are also going to be more christmas scents to come. One of which we released early...

The price is roughly $15 dollars, but there is a sale currently going on, that the next ten people to order will receive 10% off their next order. Which means if you order one your price is $13.50 but if you order two, your price is $27 instead of $30. So obviously the more you buy, the higher the percentage off. Some of you may be like, yea lana I can do math. This is 3rd grade shit.
I hear you but some of us are mathematically impaired, and I'm helping these people out.

If you would like to place an order, go on Instagram at Soak_co. Impossible to miss, because it has on the page the photos I've shown above.
If you do not have an Instagram but would still like to place an order, leave a comment under this blog post.

much love <3

depression

Depression isn't like how they make it seem in the movies.  Another beautiful girl with light eyes who looks even more beautiful when she cries. It loves to highlight the "important " parts. The "big moments" where  a turning point happens that lets the audience know, oh yep, this is when she starts to develop depression, this is what caused it. In real life it doesn't work like that. There are some stories, where yes it starts in an instant. perhaps from a death or being fired, or a break up. But a lot of the time depression creeps up slowly, over time. Maybe that be from a disease, that unlike cancer  doesn't have the two options of death or remission, it just is. You will never get better, it will be a steady decline that will ultimately kill you unless something else does first.  (I am in no way saying cancer isn't bad. Cancer has taken from me two men in my life I cared for deeply. I am saying there are other diseases to shed light on them. The spot light has and always will be on cancer, but there are diseases that just like to take their time killing you. Like MS or what I have Type 1 diabetes. The list goes on and on though.) And maybe there is no reason at all that you have depression, you just do. 

It causes anger that you wish wasn't there. It causes you to pretend "you're busy" or "you're tired" when you're not. It is avoidance of everyone and then wonder at how they don't notice you are screaming for help. 

It is most of all pain. In the fact that you know it is there and only in your head, yet there is no way to get it out. I have tried therapy, medication, yoga, eating cleaner, it doesn't matter it doesn't go away. And no one seems to understand. 

I wish there was a way to wipe it away. 

My Depression is a result of my OCD

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Look it up.  It's frightening. 

I have been on so much medication throughout the past few years, at waver signing doses and it has done nothing.   I feel my mind slipping away from me each day. 

brain fog

This is something very upsetting to talk about because it has changed my entire life. 

BRAIN FOG 

For those of you that do not know what it is, it is the inability to focus. It makes thinking about anything that isn't the simplest shit, incredibly difficult to do. 

Not only does it affect your life this way it makes life not actually worth living. 

I can't tell you the amount of times I have broken down in tears because I don't feel alive anymore. It is too difficult for me to do anything. 

I love to read, I love books more than anything. I used to be able to go through a novel a month. No i'm not kidding. And no I'm not one of those people (the worst kinds of people) who pretend they read fast but actually just skim through everything they try to tell you something didn't happen in a book when you know darn well it did. It's like the crappy human version of sparks notes. I actually would just spend hours a day reading. Recreational Reading. I loved it. But it has been over a month since I read. Because I will just keep reading the same sentence over and over and still have no fucking idea what is going on. 

I want to be a novelist, currently starting to write my book, and only after a few hundred words I'm mentally drained, to the point of tears. I used to be in writing classes where I could drop 500 words in less than an hour. Again, no I am not kidding. It is just something I am passionate about therefore I was really good at it. But now I am an empty shell. 

This is due to so many different things. One being my type 1 diabetes, that has single handedly ruined my life. And every time my sugar isn't normal, which is NEVER because as a type 1 your sugar is always going up and down and you just have to try to make the ups and downs not be so drastic, which isn't always the case. Anyway it makes me feel 90% of my life, like i've just been hit with a car. That may be a little dramatic, in realistic terms it makes me feel as if I haven't slept in 24 hours. I feel like this constantly. Add onto this the fact that my cat cries every morning to be fed at 5am and the fact that my personal sleep schedule doesn't allow me to fall asleep till 2-3 am, no matter what I do. It's been this way since I was a kid. 

On top of that the brain fog has gotten OUT OF CONTROL the past few months where I honestly feel dead all of the time. That being said I made a appointment with a neurologist who believes I am suffering from what is known as "silent migraines" I didn't even know that was a thing, but I looked it up and sure enough I am dealing with almost all of those symptoms including, inability to focus, body aches, slurred speech, short term memory issues, inability to understand speech, noise sensitivity (side note: I also have sensory processing disorder) and you guessed it brain fog. 
I was discussing this with someone I work with who suffers from debilitating constant migraines and sure enough our symptoms are almost identical, minus the fact that I have no pain in my head. I do however have pressure in my head daily, to which if you're not a headache or migraine sufferer you may think "isn't head pressure a headache". Answer is no, it is not. Head pressure feels like, well pressure, like your head is being gently squeezed or there is too much brain to fit in your skull. (don't confuse me saying that second part with people who have arnold kanari syndrome, which is very real and very painful where they LITERALLY do not have enough room for their brain in their skull) 
Head pressure is a very mild (at least I think of it as such, who knows maybe it's just because I'm used to it haha) constant annoyance. There is no actual "pain". 

Continuing on, I find it very difficult to live my life. It is very hard hearing people saying if I don't like my life to do something about it, to try to do something with my life, when in fact I AM. But that they don't deal with something that is so mentally debilitating. How am I supposed to write, or do anything for that fact, if I can't focus for shit? 

I'm writing this all here so I don't cry about the fact that I've just spent the last 20 minutes writing this instead of working on my book. 

Maybe someone reading this knows what I'm talking about or has similar diseases / experiences and can help me out? I would appreciate it more than you know. 

much love. 

CBD bath bombs

This is a random post that doesn't have much to do about my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at all but just putting it out there because CBD has helped me tremendously with my anxiety disorder. 

Check it out...
soak_co on instagram.
SOAK beauty, cosmetic & personal care 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder : It loves to ...

I have had this devil on my shoulder for almost a decade. 

It loves to tell me all the things I've ever done wrong and all the things I will never do right. 

It loves to remind me of every sinister thought I've ever had and how that deems me not a pure soul.

It loves to tell me the things I have done as a result of my Obsessions, are what will surely keep me out of heaven. Will have the golden gate remain locked as God comes to examine my hands and then tells me that I am not "good enough" to enter. 

It loves to tell me because of what I have done I shouldn't bother being a mother because I will surely ruin their lives. 

It loves to tell me that my boyfriend doesn't deserve the pain of being with me. The additional unknown guilt of being beside me. 

It loves to tell me I am an imposter a fake, a really fantastic fucking actress for being able to pretend I'm a decent human being and not a monster. 

It loves to tell me that 98% of people who live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder never act on their thoughts. 

It loves to tell me I was too weak to handle that. I didn't last 2 years without believing I was a sociopath and because of that had to "prove" it to myself. 

It loves to tell me I should have seeked help earlier and I wouldn't be in this mess. 

It loves to tell me I did this to myself and therefore everything that comes to me, including me being sent to hell is something I no doubt deserve. 

It loves to tell me that God was probably aware I was going to become a monster and because of that made my punishment be all the incurable, non preventable, non genetic, fucking falling from the air diseases I deal with. 

It loves to tell me the only thing I'm good at is pretending that this isn't eating me apart every second of every day. 

It has formed me into a machine of fake smiles and common motions. 

It has made me so aware. 

More aware of everything and everyone than I ever imagined possible. 

and so it is

unfortunately as it is with most things, I've run into a bit of bad luck. 
I've mad a website on WIX that is unable to show me the comments and likes people have left. Therefore I am going to be doing everything on here from now on. 

I do apologize about that. As I have mentioned in the nOCD app. 

This blog I have written in here and there over the last few years and am now going to be doing a bit of remodeling and making it into a blog about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as the other website was intended to be.

As mentioned there I want this to be a place where I can talk about my hardships regarding this debilitating disorder, but not only that I want this to be a place where everyone can discuss how this monster of a disease is effecting them. This isn't just my place, I want it to be a place for us all. 
We are all fighting together.

And I am rooting for us all. 

Much love <3