What Depression Feels Like...

Oh the constant empty void. 

Depression isn't something that feels the same, with each person it is going to be different. 

So in this post, I can only explain how it feels to myself. The things I endure. The pain it causes me. It is important to know that just because you don't feel the way I feel when you read this, don't think "Well I must not be depressed then because I don't feel that way." This simply isn't true. You just don't feel depressed the way I do, or the way any other person with depression feels. 

I need to also say, just because you haven't experience it, doesn't make it a lie. Doesn't make it any less horrific than it most certainly is. And just because you HAVE experienced it does not give you the right to try and say someone else isn't going about handling it correctly. There are a multitude of ways to handle it, again, none of which are the same for different people. And do not tell people who have depression, that it will get better that you know what they're going through because you don't. Unless you have the exact same kind of depression, the exact same reason or lack of reason to be depressed, the same people in your life supporting you or demeaning you, ect. You will never know how that person feels and so never know how or if that person will get better.

It has come to my understanding that a lot of people don't "get better" that it doesn't go away. Perhaps I have this viewpoint because I am one of those people. Does this mean I think you should end your life because it will never be the way it was? Absolutely not. I believe for this specific kind of depression, it is best to accept it and cover it. This sounds like ignoring it, throwing a blanket over it and trying to pretend it isn't happening, but that isn't what I mean. I mean cover it with good memories, with positive experiences. Going more into depth on that I mean that with depression it is often common to experience "good days" days where you are happy and experiencing life to the fullest. Outsiders may think this confirms their belief that you were never experiencing this "depression" how could you if you are happy? But we understand that even though we're happy there is an emptiness underneath that. 

The empty feeling, that eats you from the inside out is horrendous. A feeling that won't budge, that is always there, following you everywhere. It seems overbearing and impossible to truly have happy moments with this shadowing over you. I know however that it is possible. It is more than possible to enjoy things with this horrible sense of dread inside you. It is possible to live with it, and over time, no, most likely you won't "get better" but you get something greater than that. You get strength! A strength greater than most people will ever acquire, a strength that will follow you through every single day of your life. 

And you will probably always have the darkness behind the light, but only those who have truly seen the dark can realize how bright the light is. And you my friend are standing directly under the sun.