It is so isolating and defeating.
The same thing over and over.
You want so badly for things to change.
For you to want to put in effort but you can’t.
People in your life drag you down Instead of build you up.
Everything is the same Every. Single. Day.
That is all I have for today.
Yesterday my sugar was relatively perfect all day. And then the rain came.
Pizza. Normally I don’t have an issue with this. I will give insulin and then when I’m done I will set a delayed release for additional insulin.
I didn’t do this. My sugar was 300 when I started to eat dinner; so I thought fuck it I’ll give myself 4 units off the bat.
4 units is not necessarily a lot for most.
Anyone who knows me knows that is a dangerous amount for me to take, no matter how much I’m eating or my blood sugar.
Except there are days, like yesterday, where my body decides…
“Hey you know how I’ve tried to kill you every time you give me more than 3 units? Well let’s pretend none of that has ever happened. I’m going to watch you give yourself 8 units total, something that would have put you 8 feet in the ground yesterday, and I’m going to keep your sugars steady at 400” ð
I haven’t been that high (blood sugar ð) in at least a month. So experiencing this was not fun.
I felt as if my body was shutting down. I couldn’t stay awake. I had so much pressure behind my eyes I had to lay with a cool washcloth over them.
My sugar is now 180. I called off work anyway. Pulling a “D-Card”
This will be now the third time I have attempted to write in this blog.
But we as human beings have a desire to keep pushing forward. That’s why no matter how many times we fail we just keep getting back up.
My depression has been overwhelming.
It has been something I have struggled with a good portion of my life. Saying that is terrifying. Life has gone by so quickly; it feels as if I was just in high school.
The older you get the faster it goes, but depression has a funny way of making time slow down. And also, blends all the days together. So much so that every day appears the exact same. Just one day after another, only there isn’t another, it is as I said, the same day that never seems to end.
I opened this back up for a simple reason. I need to take accountability for my life. I spend far too much time on my phone anyway, passing away the time so I can be list somewhere else instead of inside my mind.
I am going to use this blog to talk about my experience with diabetes and depression.
So it will apply to more than one audience; but also a very specific audience: depressed diabetics. ðĪŠ
I will be using this to update on my progress and talk about everything and how its going etc etc.
and hopefully this journey will show me getting better.
Thank you for stopping by.
